Okay done tinkering for now - damn the last line of that first stanza gave me trouble, but as they say, the devil’s in the details :-) thanks for the thoughtful comment Margaret - inspired me to go back and dig a little deeper!
It's such a moving portrait of a kind man and beloved father, in fresh, original details. Angelina Weld Grimke's subtle poems are a lovely discovery, too.
Aw thanks so much Portia! Really appreciate it. He is very kind and loving, so glad that came across :-) yeah Grimke is great huh! Thanks for reading, and for the thoughtful comment.
Awww thanks Fotini. 💜 looking back I don’t think I’m done with my one - I still think it needs some editing. But glad to have the bones finished. Would you be interested in reading an edit when I do one? I’d be interested in having a second set of eyes on it. :-)
Hey Fotini, thanks again for offering to have a look at this poem when I finally finished it, and I think I might have finally finished it - the new version is in the post above, where the old one used to be - would love to know what you think :-)
I don't know how you do it... from 25 lines to ten, and the poem loses nothing of its essence. Seeing the two versions side by side, I feel the new one is more... you :)
“The shriveling husk of a yellowing moon on the wane” This is so easy on the ears and mind, and paints a picture. This is so enjoyable, Dick, and your response in tribute to your father is wonderful.
Aw thanks Rod - really appreciate you saying so. It was a difficult one and I still don’t think I’m totally done tinkering with it. The close feelings are the hardest huh! Damn that line you picked out of Grimke is so good - lovely to see it out on its lonesome - makes an amazing monostich!
You are so right, Dick! You think about someone like your dad, and you think - Dad. It takes time to dig in and think about it. That line stuck out to me. It exudes the meaning of poetry to me.
I especially like:
"If I might only grow small enough
To curl up into the hollow of your palm,
Your left palm,
Curl up, lie close and cling"
Also, the last stanza of your poem is my favorite.
Okay done tinkering for now - damn the last line of that first stanza gave me trouble, but as they say, the devil’s in the details :-) thanks for the thoughtful comment Margaret - inspired me to go back and dig a little deeper!
Oh and as it turns out, I'm still working on it haha - made a few changes to the earlier stanzas. Still slightly in process.... getting there.
It's such a moving portrait of a kind man and beloved father, in fresh, original details. Angelina Weld Grimke's subtle poems are a lovely discovery, too.
Aw thanks so much Portia! Really appreciate it. He is very kind and loving, so glad that came across :-) yeah Grimke is great huh! Thanks for reading, and for the thoughtful comment.
Thanks Margaret! :-) Glad you enjoyed them. Yeah that stanza of Grimke's is so lovely.
I loved that last stanza of yours! (and the first poem by Angelina Weld Grimke).
Cheers Jeffrey - I really appreciate it! Yeah, that first one by Grimke is something special :-)
I had never heard of her, thank you for introducing us.
My pleasure Malu! She's a real gem of a poet huh. :-)
Lovely poems -- both hers and yours.
Aw thanks so much Hasse :-) Really appreciate it.
I love your poem - " widehorizoned" is a fantastic word
Aw cheers Kerry! Really appreciate the kind words. 🖤
& tender / like undried paint
& the whole poem
& Angelina's poem
& I am floored
🖤 🖤 🖤
Awww thanks Fotini. 💜 looking back I don’t think I’m done with my one - I still think it needs some editing. But glad to have the bones finished. Would you be interested in reading an edit when I do one? I’d be interested in having a second set of eyes on it. :-)
That would be my honour 🙏
When the time comes, you know where to find me :)
Hey Fotini, thanks again for offering to have a look at this poem when I finally finished it, and I think I might have finally finished it - the new version is in the post above, where the old one used to be - would love to know what you think :-)
I don't know how you do it... from 25 lines to ten, and the poem loses nothing of its essence. Seeing the two versions side by side, I feel the new one is more... you :)
Cheers Fotini - really appreciate it. The honours all mine :-)
“The shriveling husk of a yellowing moon on the wane” This is so easy on the ears and mind, and paints a picture. This is so enjoyable, Dick, and your response in tribute to your father is wonderful.
Aw thanks Rod - really appreciate you saying so. It was a difficult one and I still don’t think I’m totally done tinkering with it. The close feelings are the hardest huh! Damn that line you picked out of Grimke is so good - lovely to see it out on its lonesome - makes an amazing monostich!
You are so right, Dick! You think about someone like your dad, and you think - Dad. It takes time to dig in and think about it. That line stuck out to me. It exudes the meaning of poetry to me.
Absolutely - on both counts!