Love this Rod. There are some great suggestive links here - I especially like the image of the brown leaves about to "slice" through the air echoing the blade slicing the apples. Beautiful. I think when combining it together with the hokku to make a tanka, perhaps the stop could be replaced with a comma on the second-line, to keep the flow of verse throughout?
Lovely Philip! A big gap here between the hokku and the wakiku - a juxtaposition between the calm winter sun slicing the apples, and the drunken walk home at the end of the night, under the hazy starlight. Feels almost like the beginning of the day and the end of the night. There is also the slight suggestion that the hokku is the "song" the narrator sings in your couplet, which I also really enjoy, as if they are staggering home writing haiku. :-) Wonderful, really enjoyed your wakiku.
Thanks Dick...maybe I shouldn't reveal this, but it's pretty close to your hokku. I was thinking 'hard cider.' In the past, small orchards growing one variety of apple would use the last of the crop - fruit set late, not well formed - for cider. This is from my childhood and grandpa's orchard - his home brew. Today special varieties of 'cider apples' from dedicated orchards are necessary to meet demand. Thanks again, I'm happy you enjoyed.
Ah lovely - I actually felt that in the poem. Wonderful stuff - love hearing the context around the verse, and about a bit of your family history too. While it might not be mentioned in the poem, I can feel the depth and genuineness of the image, and now I know why. :-) Thanks Philip.
Love this Mark. Here, I feel like we pass from the apples inside, maybe on the table, sunlight streaming in, to the apple tree outside, emptied of fruit and leaves, with its branches stripped. I can sense the rising steam/mist of a sunny winter's morning, maybe a thin coat of frost melting on the grass. The stark sun casting the branches shadows. From the shadow/seed, to the tree/branches, to the apples themselves. Lots of linkages and connections to explore. Excellent work.
Love this so much April! A really excellent capping of the hokku. Completely stands alone as its own couplet, but then when combined with the opening stanza, resonates strongly. Both in really gentle ways, as in the relationship of the apple to the orchard, and in more juxtapositional ways, like the contrast of sun and moon. Overall, the "time" created by the combination of the two stanzas is really interesting to me. Rather than simply passing, time and space seem to expand. Wonderful. :-)
Ooo I love this comment. Because it is Time that was on my mind! Imagining the day passing with the slicing of apples, imagining the smell in the orchard of the windfalls fermenting on the ground, that day passing into evening and then night and listening to the last few high up apples falling with a thud in the darkness. Thanks for another great post Dick. I love the combination of learning, inspiration and fun challenge. Great stuff ❤️
Thanks so much April. Love this so much! I think this is the real joy of what happens when linking is successful - the reader feels the connections, even if they can't exactly articulate why, or how those connections emerged. Which is exactly what I felt here with regards to time after reading your verse - the sense of time was palpable, and yet was never mentioned. :-) Aw, you are welcome. So glad the challenge aspect is proving to be fun and enjoyable!
Yes I can understand about the successful linking now that you say it clearly for me. I've learnt something new, very exciting. Thanks Dick. I'm enjoying the variety of what you post too.
Aw yay! So glad you found something useful here poetically. Linking is the most amazing thing to me, and one of the things seldom discussed/taught in any detail (usually it gets reduced to "juxtaposition"). And when you get into a flow with it, it can produce astounding results (on a personal level anyway). It almost feels like magic haha. :-)
Very nice Malcom! really like this. There is something about the line of geese "slicing" through the sky which echoes the slicing of the apples in the hokku - wonderful!
Ah you've gone for a paired haiku, rather than a tanrenga. Lovely work. The connections are a little more difficult to draw out on the surface. I imagine we are in the kitchen, and have panned from the apples, to the narrator washing glasses in the sink? And they are crying. I wonder why they are crying? And what connection this has to the apples in the sunlight? What was the connection you felt here? I am curious how the hokku led to this response, what the process was. :-)
Ah thanks Dick, I did not know I had done such a thing so that’s a happy and welcome suprise. I did try to apply what you mentioned in the article but this is what wanted to be heard today, so I just went with it. I imagined a scene of two lover’s in the kitchen they have long know together. To me their love is ending and the metaphors of simple homely chores evokes the silence being held between them in this moment. Nothing is said but all is felt. They stand back to back on opposite sides of the room holding space for the reality they now face. Its those human moments where words are held inward and eclipsed by the felt sense’s. P.s I am thoroughly enjoying this each week so thank you again.
Jealous! That sounds pretty wonderful. Oh, and it's probably something I will mention next time, but in renga changing the season from stanza to stanza is ok as well (seasonal runs are considered a form of "narrative"). So there's no problem cutting to an entirely new scene, in an entirely new season. :-) Love your response here. It has such a gentleness to it, an understated-ness, which increases, for me, the elegance of the whole. And there is a lovely sense of time: at all seasons. Unfolding a whole year around the apples. And the sensory combination of the cold winter morning set against the warmth of the tea rising from the cup. Wonderful stuff. Thanks so much for taking time out of your holiday to reply. Love it!
The brown leaves will soon fall.
An old sweater waits nearby.
Love this Rod. There are some great suggestive links here - I especially like the image of the brown leaves about to "slice" through the air echoing the blade slicing the apples. Beautiful. I think when combining it together with the hokku to make a tanka, perhaps the stop could be replaced with a comma on the second-line, to keep the flow of verse throughout?
.
slicing up
the last of the apples—
winter sun
.
the brown leaves will soon fall,
an old sweater waits nearby
.
Whatever the case, beautiful work!
Thank you, Dick. I see how the comma helps the flow. Nice!
staggering home, i sing while
hazy starlight makes me laugh
Lovely Philip! A big gap here between the hokku and the wakiku - a juxtaposition between the calm winter sun slicing the apples, and the drunken walk home at the end of the night, under the hazy starlight. Feels almost like the beginning of the day and the end of the night. There is also the slight suggestion that the hokku is the "song" the narrator sings in your couplet, which I also really enjoy, as if they are staggering home writing haiku. :-) Wonderful, really enjoyed your wakiku.
.
slicing up
the last of the apples—
winter sun
.
staggering home, i sing while
hazy starlight makes me laugh
.
Thanks Dick...maybe I shouldn't reveal this, but it's pretty close to your hokku. I was thinking 'hard cider.' In the past, small orchards growing one variety of apple would use the last of the crop - fruit set late, not well formed - for cider. This is from my childhood and grandpa's orchard - his home brew. Today special varieties of 'cider apples' from dedicated orchards are necessary to meet demand. Thanks again, I'm happy you enjoyed.
Ah lovely - I actually felt that in the poem. Wonderful stuff - love hearing the context around the verse, and about a bit of your family history too. While it might not be mentioned in the poem, I can feel the depth and genuineness of the image, and now I know why. :-) Thanks Philip.
bare branches cast shadows
high on the garden wall
Love this Mark. Here, I feel like we pass from the apples inside, maybe on the table, sunlight streaming in, to the apple tree outside, emptied of fruit and leaves, with its branches stripped. I can sense the rising steam/mist of a sunny winter's morning, maybe a thin coat of frost melting on the grass. The stark sun casting the branches shadows. From the shadow/seed, to the tree/branches, to the apples themselves. Lots of linkages and connections to explore. Excellent work.
.
slicing up
the last of the apples—
winter sun
.
bare branches cast shadows
high on the garden wall
.
Pale half moon rising low
Above the shadowed orchard
Love this so much April! A really excellent capping of the hokku. Completely stands alone as its own couplet, but then when combined with the opening stanza, resonates strongly. Both in really gentle ways, as in the relationship of the apple to the orchard, and in more juxtapositional ways, like the contrast of sun and moon. Overall, the "time" created by the combination of the two stanzas is really interesting to me. Rather than simply passing, time and space seem to expand. Wonderful. :-)
.
slicing up
the last of the apples—
winter sun
.
pale half moon rising low
above the shadowed orchard
.
Ooo I love this comment. Because it is Time that was on my mind! Imagining the day passing with the slicing of apples, imagining the smell in the orchard of the windfalls fermenting on the ground, that day passing into evening and then night and listening to the last few high up apples falling with a thud in the darkness. Thanks for another great post Dick. I love the combination of learning, inspiration and fun challenge. Great stuff ❤️
Thanks so much April. Love this so much! I think this is the real joy of what happens when linking is successful - the reader feels the connections, even if they can't exactly articulate why, or how those connections emerged. Which is exactly what I felt here with regards to time after reading your verse - the sense of time was palpable, and yet was never mentioned. :-) Aw, you are welcome. So glad the challenge aspect is proving to be fun and enjoyable!
Yes I can understand about the successful linking now that you say it clearly for me. I've learnt something new, very exciting. Thanks Dick. I'm enjoying the variety of what you post too.
Aw yay! So glad you found something useful here poetically. Linking is the most amazing thing to me, and one of the things seldom discussed/taught in any detail (usually it gets reduced to "juxtaposition"). And when you get into a flow with it, it can produce astounding results (on a personal level anyway). It almost feels like magic haha. :-)
Yes, magic indeed ❤❤
Geese flying southeast
Magnetic navigation
Very nice Malcom! really like this. There is something about the line of geese "slicing" through the sky which echoes the slicing of the apples in the hokku - wonderful!
.
slicing up
the last of the apples—
winter sun
.
geese flying southeast
magnetic navigation
.
I like to do haiku.
Winter a spider
Eight legs spin webs cold as death
Single digits freeze
slicing up
the last of the apples—
winter sun
I wash
My glasses crystal —
With tears
Ah you've gone for a paired haiku, rather than a tanrenga. Lovely work. The connections are a little more difficult to draw out on the surface. I imagine we are in the kitchen, and have panned from the apples, to the narrator washing glasses in the sink? And they are crying. I wonder why they are crying? And what connection this has to the apples in the sunlight? What was the connection you felt here? I am curious how the hokku led to this response, what the process was. :-)
Ah thanks Dick, I did not know I had done such a thing so that’s a happy and welcome suprise. I did try to apply what you mentioned in the article but this is what wanted to be heard today, so I just went with it. I imagined a scene of two lover’s in the kitchen they have long know together. To me their love is ending and the metaphors of simple homely chores evokes the silence being held between them in this moment. Nothing is said but all is felt. They stand back to back on opposite sides of the room holding space for the reality they now face. Its those human moments where words are held inward and eclipsed by the felt sense’s. P.s I am thoroughly enjoying this each week so thank you again.
*Intuit
I had a hard time with this as I am currently on my summer vacation swimming under a scorching sun, but I couldn't resist the challenge :)
.
.
slicing up
the last of the apples—
winter sun
.
the tea in its cup
hot at all seasons
Jealous! That sounds pretty wonderful. Oh, and it's probably something I will mention next time, but in renga changing the season from stanza to stanza is ok as well (seasonal runs are considered a form of "narrative"). So there's no problem cutting to an entirely new scene, in an entirely new season. :-) Love your response here. It has such a gentleness to it, an understated-ness, which increases, for me, the elegance of the whole. And there is a lovely sense of time: at all seasons. Unfolding a whole year around the apples. And the sensory combination of the cold winter morning set against the warmth of the tea rising from the cup. Wonderful stuff. Thanks so much for taking time out of your holiday to reply. Love it!
Thank you, Dick! I love these challenges, it feels like I am tugging a thread and someone is there at the end of it tugging back.
Love that - with an invisible rope (or "line of flight") joining the two two verses. :-)