I’m in the minority here, I see, but I like the added line. Not so much for the imagery, but for what the sounds add to the whole — the near-rhyme of “haze” and “fad-,” and the “far” picked up again first in “hor—“ and then a different way in “fad-“ again. And then “away” closing out with more near rhyme. And more… It all adds a sensibility of artfulness that isn’t there in the first version, and that for me at least feels like a gift in this case.
Nice - and I totally see your point. Love the sound and rhythm analysis- you've sold me on that line! I'm very glad we don't actually have to chose so we can have both! :-) I think you point to something here which is really significant - the second one has more 'artfulness' (i.e. more worked on, in terms of poetic conventions, etc.), to which I would add, the first has more 'spontaneity' (i.e. more in the moment, less consciously 'poetic', etc.). And of course, Whitman combines both approaches in his longer poetry - sometimes fast and spontaneous, other times mannered, in a good way, and poetically 'artful'. :-)
Yes! So much there. And also am glad to have encountered both versions; thanks for all of this! The whole discussion reminds me a little of Nick Hornby's novel “Juliet Naked,” whose plot turns on a debate about a less artful (“naked”) and more artful version of a song. Though in that case the answer is much more straightforward!
Haha - just saw that Nick Hornby is on here, which is kinda fun. Yeah, I think it's a very real thing with songs - and there's often a lot more access to all the other versions. I can't count the number of songs where I prefer the demo version, or a weird live version from YouTube, rather than the album version. :-)
Oh no — I should have realized that that was a whole thing with demos in real life, beyond the novel! That is, yes, I've discussed live versions vs recorded ones, but never the demo vs final ones and the whole artful/inartful question! Am embarrassed now, but will add this as adjacent to my embarrassing list of metaphors coming full circle, like the time I looked up at a crow's nest in a tree and had the thought that it looked like a crow's nest on a ship 😊
Haha - no embarrassment necessary at all! I was just a geeky teenager that would save all the money I earned working in a supermarket to buy demo versions of songs from bootleg record labels lol. I imagine Hornby was the same, and that's maybe what the novel is kinda based on? But I would never expect anyone else to know about them. Love that last one hahaha - I do things like that all the time. Once, when I was much younger, I said to my friends with not an ounce of irony, "Hey, do you know who that author Anon is? I've seen their name around a bit, and they wrote some pretty cool stuff." 😂
The debate about the Farm Picture aside, that first poem is stunning. I can only hope that my old age is like that--enlarging and spreading, not pinching and shrinking. I've spent a lot of time with Whitman, but not enough time with these short poems; I'll have to find an anthology of them. Any suggestions?
Absolutely - yeah, that one is my fav of the bunch. One of my favs of all time. Such an amazing poem. I don't know of any anthologies of his short poems - but I am making one for the Forgotten Poets book series, not quite ready to come out yet though. :-)
Yes I agree, the first! It does leave us hanging a little bit, but I like that. It allows us to be in that moment more with him rather than being told about the moment after the fact. Good post, thank you.
Great point! Aw cheers - my pleasure! Yeah - that was my feeling too - the last line is better left to the reader to feel, rather than having it described. :-)
I agree, I think the first one is better. I don't know if the length is why, but the third line doesn't seem to fit. The first two lines are close up, and the third line changes the focus.
I’m in the minority here, I see, but I like the added line. Not so much for the imagery, but for what the sounds add to the whole — the near-rhyme of “haze” and “fad-,” and the “far” picked up again first in “hor—“ and then a different way in “fad-“ again. And then “away” closing out with more near rhyme. And more… It all adds a sensibility of artfulness that isn’t there in the first version, and that for me at least feels like a gift in this case.
Thank you for these!
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Nice - and I totally see your point. Love the sound and rhythm analysis- you've sold me on that line! I'm very glad we don't actually have to chose so we can have both! :-) I think you point to something here which is really significant - the second one has more 'artfulness' (i.e. more worked on, in terms of poetic conventions, etc.), to which I would add, the first has more 'spontaneity' (i.e. more in the moment, less consciously 'poetic', etc.). And of course, Whitman combines both approaches in his longer poetry - sometimes fast and spontaneous, other times mannered, in a good way, and poetically 'artful'. :-)
Yes! So much there. And also am glad to have encountered both versions; thanks for all of this! The whole discussion reminds me a little of Nick Hornby's novel “Juliet Naked,” whose plot turns on a debate about a less artful (“naked”) and more artful version of a song. Though in that case the answer is much more straightforward!
Haha - just saw that Nick Hornby is on here, which is kinda fun. Yeah, I think it's a very real thing with songs - and there's often a lot more access to all the other versions. I can't count the number of songs where I prefer the demo version, or a weird live version from YouTube, rather than the album version. :-)
Oh no — I should have realized that that was a whole thing with demos in real life, beyond the novel! That is, yes, I've discussed live versions vs recorded ones, but never the demo vs final ones and the whole artful/inartful question! Am embarrassed now, but will add this as adjacent to my embarrassing list of metaphors coming full circle, like the time I looked up at a crow's nest in a tree and had the thought that it looked like a crow's nest on a ship 😊
Haha - no embarrassment necessary at all! I was just a geeky teenager that would save all the money I earned working in a supermarket to buy demo versions of songs from bootleg record labels lol. I imagine Hornby was the same, and that's maybe what the novel is kinda based on? But I would never expect anyone else to know about them. Love that last one hahaha - I do things like that all the time. Once, when I was much younger, I said to my friends with not an ounce of irony, "Hey, do you know who that author Anon is? I've seen their name around a bit, and they wrote some pretty cool stuff." 😂
Love that!
The debate about the Farm Picture aside, that first poem is stunning. I can only hope that my old age is like that--enlarging and spreading, not pinching and shrinking. I've spent a lot of time with Whitman, but not enough time with these short poems; I'll have to find an anthology of them. Any suggestions?
Absolutely - yeah, that one is my fav of the bunch. One of my favs of all time. Such an amazing poem. I don't know of any anthologies of his short poems - but I am making one for the Forgotten Poets book series, not quite ready to come out yet though. :-)
Oh, I'm very interested in your anthology! Keep us all posted.
Aw cheers! Cool, I will definitely make sure to let ya'll know when its done. :-)
First one for sure! I would have edited out the last one if I had been Walt enough to write that verse.
Haha - love that! Sounds like the title of a poem: 'If I'd Been Walt Enough' :-)
Hmmmmm… don’t tempt me😊
Hahaha 😂 oh go on!
Yes I agree, the first! It does leave us hanging a little bit, but I like that. It allows us to be in that moment more with him rather than being told about the moment after the fact. Good post, thank you.
Great points. Yeah I’m with you - I like to be left hanging. And I like your analysis that it allows us to be more in the moment a lot - lovely point!
Yes, the first one, by a country mile! The second doesn’t really add anything that isn’t already implicit. Thank you for this little presentation.
Great point! Aw cheers - my pleasure! Yeah - that was my feeling too - the last line is better left to the reader to feel, rather than having it described. :-)
I agree, I think the first one is better. I don't know if the length is why, but the third line doesn't seem to fit. The first two lines are close up, and the third line changes the focus.
Interesting observation - I hadn’t thought of that, but yeah, it shifts perspective. Nice analysis :-)